Kristina Wrede
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Dear Jen, I am trying to post an answer here but it somehow won’t take my text. So for the moment just this: THANK YOU! 🙂
Hi Jen, that sounds like a good proposal and very sensible to me!
I guess, when one or a couple is not (yet) willing – or able – to go deeper and connect to childhood experiences, then it is ok to just allow them to state “there is nothing in the past that I am reminded of” as there truth today.
“But when you encounter clients who deny experiencing any painful repercussions from their childhood, it’s more likely that they are among those whose early life experiences were so painful that those experiences are deeply buried in their unconscious and to engage those memories would be too threatening for them to consider.” (Hendrix, Harville; Hunt, Helen LaKelly. Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between: A Clinician’s Guide (S.128). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle-Version.)
It might just not feel safe enough for them to face those memories, so the best we can do could be to accept that and allow them to experience that it’s ok as it is. That they do not have to satisfy our expectations (and re-experience not being “good enough”, maybe, as in their childhood). I choose not to push, although it’s not always easy, right?
“Given the pain of the trauma, which is often accompanied by shame about portraying their parents in a negative way, a client may say it is better, sometimes, to let sleeping dogs lie!” (Hendrix, Harville; Hunt, Helen LaKelly. Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between: A Clinician’s Guide (S.129). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle-Version.)
Does this make sense, Jen? (As I am not a native English speaker, I might not be able to fully express my thoughts correctly…)
Hello wonderful people here. My name is Kristina, I live in southern Germany, have two almost grown up children. In spite of being a studied translator, I have always wanted to work with women and men and assist them to live a fulfilled live, as I myself passed through many a storm and learnt a lot about overcoming past challenges. Getting near my fifties, I became certified as a non-medical psychotherapist, a German special way to work as therapist without a university degree in medicine or psychology. I work attachment based and discovered SC when looking for Imago training. Since the first worktop with Helen and Harville in February I have been thrilled by the effect of The Dialogue and thus decided to become a trainer, too. To meet someone else in The Space Between feels so holy and strong, and I am convinced it will change the world, if more and more people discover it and integrate it into their interactions.
And for all German speakers here: I’d love to get in touch and set up a practice group.
Hello wonderful people heren
My name is Kristina, I live in southern Germany, have two almost grown up children. In spite of being a studied translator, I have always wanted to work with women and men and assist them to live a fulfilled live, as I myself passed through many a storm and learnt a lot about overcoming past challenges. Getting near my fifties, I became certified as a non-medical psychotherapist, a German special way to work as therapist without a university degree in medicine or psychology. I work attachment based and discovered SC when looking for Imago training. Since the first worktop with Helen and Harville in February I have been thrilled by the effect of The Dialogue and thus decided to become a trainer, too. To meet someone else in The Space Between feels so holy and strong, and I am convinced it will change the world, if more and more people discover it and integrate it into their interactions.And for all German speakers here: I’d love to get in touch and set up a practice group.
So thankful for your sharing, Alex! I am just starting with the Leader Training level 1, and what I find most challenging really is the Zero Negativity. I am truly shocked to see how hard it is for me, although I believed myself to be a “kind and friendly” person. But I am beginning to understand what my 17 year old son once told me: “Every time you talk to me, you are always so negative. You constantly judge my room, my actions… So do not wonder that it is not much fun for me to be around you.” Gosh, I really start to FEEL what he tried to show me about myself.
So it is with great gratitude – and a lot of challenge – that I am in this process. And all I read or hear helps to train my sensitivity on the issue.Kind regards from Germany,
Kristina
