Reply To: Dialogue process
Hi Jen, that sounds like a good proposal and very sensible to me!
I guess, when one or a couple is not (yet) willing – or able – to go deeper and connect to childhood experiences, then it is ok to just allow them to state “there is nothing in the past that I am reminded of” as there truth today.
“But when you encounter clients who deny experiencing any painful repercussions from their childhood, it’s more likely that they are among those whose early life experiences were so painful that those experiences are deeply buried in their unconscious and to engage those memories would be too threatening for them to consider.” (Hendrix, Harville; Hunt, Helen LaKelly. Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between: A Clinician’s Guide (S.128). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle-Version.)
It might just not feel safe enough for them to face those memories, so the best we can do could be to accept that and allow them to experience that it’s ok as it is. That they do not have to satisfy our expectations (and re-experience not being “good enough”, maybe, as in their childhood). I choose not to push, although it’s not always easy, right?
“Given the pain of the trauma, which is often accompanied by shame about portraying their parents in a negative way, a client may say it is better, sometimes, to let sleeping dogs lie!” (Hendrix, Harville; Hunt, Helen LaKelly. Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between: A Clinician’s Guide (S.129). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle-Version.)
Does this make sense, Jen? (As I am not a native English speaker, I might not be able to fully express my thoughts correctly…)